Breaking News: White American Girl Survives Amazonian Heat

And it really is breaking news, because for a minute there, I wasn’t convinced I would. The heat coupled with the extra humidity (because of course I visited during the rainy season) nearly knocked me out, at first. But after two nights, I started to embrace the heat. Well, sort of.

So how does one go about spending two nights in the Amazon Rainforest without prior knowledge of Amazonian dangers, basic survival skills, or fluent Spanish? You  book a tour with JunglePro and follow the instructions of your incredibly interesting and extremely knowledgeable guide, Victor.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. As an American, the first thing you’re going to want to do is book a flight. When you don’t live near a major international airport (the U.K. and Mexico are not enough, CVG!), you actually book multiple flights. The first will take you somewhere else in the U.S. If you’re flying Delta, it’s most likely Atlanta. After wandering around the Atlanta airport for several hours, you then board a flight to Lima, Peru’s capital and most populous city (and airport). You may accidentally sit in the wrong seat because you are apparently incapable of reading. You then have to get embarrassed as you climb across people to get out of the wrong seat and into the correct seat. Then, you buckle up and try to sleep on the relatively short international flight, in comparison to other destinations. In much of South and Central America, the Americas are considered one continent. So, following this logic, you are not even on a multi continental flight. No big deal.

Once you land in Lima, it’s dark. Because the U.S. still participates in the absurd tradition of daylight savings, it’s currently the same time in northern Kentucky as it is in Lima (and all of Peru, which only has one timezone). A couple other white American travelers who view themselves as honorary Peruvians because of a couple of trips to Cusco tell you that you should not even leave the airport, as they think Lima is dirty and boring. You disregard this advice. Lima’s airport is a bit chaotic, and you are greeted by dozens or maybe even a hundred taxi drivers, wanting to take you to your accommodation. You don’t speak great Spanish, and the internet let you know there’s an airport shuttle that will get you close to your accommodation, so you opt for that. Climate consciousness and whatnot.

You quickly realize that, if there are rules to driving in Lima, most drivers are not following them. It’s dog eat dog out on the streets of Lima, and the most confident driver wins. The traffic, even late at night, is unreal. It takes nearly two hours between the airport shuttle and the city bus to find your hostel, but finally, you arrive, put your backpack in the locker, climb into the bunk bed, and fall fast asleep.

You spend two days in Lima, which is most definitely not boring and deserves its own blog post (but that’s not what this one is about), then it’s time for your rainforest expedition. Most of what you know about the rainforest comes from Minecraft and your first grade production of The Great Kapok Tree (iykyk), so you aren’t sure what to expect except giant trees and ocelots you can tame to be house cats with fish. You decide it will be easiest to get back to the airport via Uber, which is pretty inexpensive for most American travelers visiting Peru. You’re back at the Lima airport which, like the rest of Lima, is bustling with people. You make it through security. You realize the U.S. may be the only country that makes you take your shoes off in the airport. You go to your gate. Your destination: Puerto Maldonado. The airport is hot and crowded, but it’s also full of excitement. You’re flying LATAM airlines for the first time, and it goes off without a hitch. As you get closer to landing, you start to see the massive expanse of jungle that is the Amazon. Your jaw involuntarily drops. It’s incredible.

You land at the tiny Puerto Maldonado airport, which has only two gates and receives only four flights per day. You have incredibly strong cell service, somehow. You text your mom to let her know it’s time to begin the main reason for this trip: your rainforest expedition.

You’re greeted at the airport by Carlos, the driver from JunglePro who has come to take you to the office where you will complete payment and then board a boat to travel down the Tambopata River for two and a half hours until you reach the lodge. Before you leave, though, Carlos lets you know he has to go to the main market in Puerto Maldonado to get some more food for the lodge. He (somewhat jokingly) asks if you want to go along. You accept. He lets you know that people may stare at you because you are a gringa and you look different from the majority of people who live here. You wave it off and say it’s fine, you’re excited to go, and you climb aboard a combo mototaxi/rickshaw/truck. The breeze feels amazing, as the heat is already suffocating your northern Kentucky lungs, and you see a bit of the town, chatting with Carlos on the way. You secure the food, then it’s back to the office to board the boat.

The boat captain, José, and your guide, Victor, board. You bid farewell to Carlos and begin the journey down the Tambopata River. JunglePro is extremely accommodating and provides all your meals (vegetarian and all), including a very delicious lunch for the boat ride.

Unsurprisingly, it begins raining in the rainforest. It’s quite heavy, but it’s also brief, because it can be raining on one part of the river and quickly stop in another. You spot turtles subbing themselves on the rocks and capybaras munching on grass on the river banks. It’s a vast river that is brown from sediment, and it’s incredibly beautiful. And hot. But you knew that, of course.

You arrive at the lodge and are shown to your cabana, equipped with mosquito net and all. It’s the rainy season, so most cabanas are empty. You are astonished that, in the depths of the rainforest, you have WiFi stronger than that of Big Bone Lick, KY. You prepare for your first journey into the rainforest: a night walk to find nocturnal creatures. You gladly accept the rain boots you’re offered and tuck your pants into them. You don long sleeves despite the heat and lather on insect repellent. You really don’t have mosquito bites, which you seem to be a magnet for.

Victor leads the way into the rainforest, pointing out many animals you never would’ve seen, which is somewhat terrifying. Huge tarantulas, camouflaged snakes, insects you have no name for. The deeper you get in the forest, the darker it gets. Victor, who was born here and knows all the flora and fauna in Spanish and English, is seemingly unafraid. You stick close behind him. He turns off his flashlight to show you how dark it gets in the rainforest, where it’s frequently cloudy and the sky is almost completely obscured by trees. You shiver.

You leave the rainforest, grateful to put distance between yourself and the tarantulas (at least, in your mind). You eat delicious dinner, then head to bed, as you are set to head out at 3:30 AM the next morning to visit the macaw claylick, which is two more hours down the river by boat. You lay down inside the mosquito net and try not to dream of tarantulas.

You wake early the next morning to board the boat, then set off to the claylick, sleeping on the boat as José skillfully navigates the river. You arrive at the claylick around 5:15 AM and are greeted by so many colorful birds, noisily chattering amongst themselves. You watch in awe as Victor takes skillful photos of the birds using your phone and his binoculars. Your jaw involuntarily drops. You’re starting to like birds, and you’re a bit shocked.

After a couple hours at the claylick and a delicious boat breakfast, you head back to the lodge. When you arrive, you take a short nap before heading to lunch. You’ve lived twenty lifetimes in less than a day. As you walk to lunch, you see dozens and dozens of monkeys, treating themselves to the bananas growing in the trees at the lodge. They are so adorable, and you literally cannot believe how close they let you get.

After lunch, it’s time to venture into the forest to visit the Tres Chimbadas lake, which is a ways into the forest. The mosquitoes and heat are absolutely unreal. At any given time, there are at least 20 mosquitoes buzzing around your head, trying to bite any bit of exposed skin. You are grateful for the strong insect repellent, the long shirt and pants, and the citronella wristbands you bought from Walmart back home. You’re not sure if they work, but they keep your sleeves down and mostly prevent mosquitoes from entering the sleeves of your shirt. You are the sweatiest you have ever been in this lifetime. It’s 90°F and the humidity is so thick. You see so many monkeys and birds on your way to the lake. You hear the loud sound of the red howler monkey. You swat away mosquitoes. You try to keep pace with Victor, who uses his machete like a natural extension of his arm. You make it to the lake.

Victor stops you. He’s just spotted a black cayman, related to alligators, near the paddleboat you’re going to get on. But you don’t see the cayman, as it’s shy and slithers into the tall grass. As you get aboard the boat, Victor lets you know that this is a popular area for anacondas, which are such giant snakes that they are a predator for jaguars. Jaguars. You shiver.

Victor paddles the boat as you sit. You offer to help, but he waves you away. It’s probably for the best, as you’re not sure what you could actually do to help. It’s a one-person paddle.

Victor ties the boat to a tree and brings out a small bag of bait and two handmade fishing poles. You’ve never fished before, so you’re not confident you’ll catch anything, but you give it a shot. You’re hunting for piranhas. After several failed attempts, you catch your first fish. It’s like Stardew Valley on steroids. You subsequently catch (and release) three more fish. Victor tells you that this should be your new hobby. You feel kinda goated at it. You paddle more around the lake as the sun sets. You can’t believe how beautiful it is here.

It starts to rain, so it’s time to head back. You walk back the way you came as it grows darker. You know for sure you would have gotten lost and died immediately without Victor. But he’s guiding you, and you make it back to the boat and travel back to the lodge for dinner, which is excellent. You are so happy.

Victor is a great conversationalist and tells you more about Peru: the protests they had the past year, the way he will celebrate the holidays, the many ways Peru is changing. He inquires about the U.S., too. What do you think about the election? How has immigration affected the U.S.? How prevalent is gun violence, and who is this CEO who was just killed? How will you celebrate Christmas?

It’s time for your final night’s sleep in the jungle, and Victor offers to get up early to take one more walk through to see the giant rainforest trees. Of course, of course! You love trees and spent much of the elementary school in one!

You set off the next morning, birds chirping. You are going to miss aspects of the jungle, but you’re also ready to leave. It’s an incredible place, but it’s hard on the body: hot, winding, rainy, insect-ridden. You reach the giant tree and your jaw involuntarily drops. It’s been doing that a lot lately.

On your way back, you see one more tarantula, because of course you do. You shiver as Victor pokes into its hole to get a good video for you. You’re both amazed and terrified. It’s time to leave the jungle. You bid farewell to the monkeys, take a shower, back your bag, and begin the two and a half hour boat journey back to the office, then to the car, then to the airport.

Two years ago, you couldn’t have imagined yourself ever doing something like this by yourself (well, and with Victor). You’re proud of yourself for doing this adventure, even though it was completely different from anything you were used to. You board the plane to Cusco via gate 1 of 2, and set off into the mountains. A new adventure awaits.

If you’re shocked that you did all this, you’ll be shocked what else you’ll get to do on this trip. More soon.

P.S. I have many photos for this post, but I currently can’t figure out how to post them from the mobile site. I’ll update when I figure it out.